午後自分のアトリエに行きました. 5時頃親と喧嘩した私はただママの言葉を計算した.ママ今日もママ今日も前年の恋が美味しいって3回と言いました私は今日この言葉ママはもう3回いましたよと言ったのにパパは私を叱ったただ私にコーヒーが美味しいよと誘ったら私にこのコーヒーかお前でコーヒーを飲んでくださいと言ったってわかるのにどうしてしかしカルトとは分からない私はとても泣いた 我覺得媽媽很過分這樣沒有來安慰我我跑去找他的時候他竟然在跟小阿姨說的壞話我覺得我可能太高估他結果他果然是跟小孩也是就是哪一個等級而已我覺得我好像表現出在國外留學很了不起的樣子是這樣想的我回來嘉義真的是一無是處嘉義沒有任何需要我的地方我在台灣接受就只有矯正牙齒痛苦而已媽媽說他是在讓我可是我不需要他了我對他可能有爸爸有所期待希望他們不要但不太多責任不夠好好做一個人我要這個世界上我不希望我成為媽媽的負擔讓他覺得我是他一個悲慘的命運的結果他說他從小就很悲慘可是他都客服過來了我很少對父母生氣都是他們先對我生氣了他們有什麼事情就好了說嗎我覺得從以前到現在把他們看得過於重要如果他們討厭我那就只說吧我們想要我死在我的前方反正等著我的前方只有痛苦或者是說等在這在大家的前方都是痛苦大家覺得自己很快樂但是其實並沒有所有的人活在這個世界上就是面對的所有的苦難去我們以為自己是快樂的世足過關的樣子是待在自己的舒適圈我覺得這樣很好可是你不應該把名目的人作為是不融入人群的一份子 我等一下他說這個咖啡很好喝說了三次了然後跑去跟然後被我爸媽然後被我爸罵她一點都不來安慰我他覺得這是我應得的他就在跟小阿姨在那邊說著我的壞話然後說我也沒有跟小阿姨說什麼你就是在跟小孩說我沒有家教小孩為什麼會覺得小孩沒有家教的都是你跟他抱怨得來的他說就算他說了十次我都應該要讓他現在我就對他這樣子因為他是只要怎麼辦我現在在提醒他這個狀況就是在避免他失智阿欣她這件事情你說了三遍是一個人很明顯的特色就是過去的事情不動得獎不動得獎不斷的家 難道我不是在避免他是子嗎難道我在他赤子之後為虐待他嗎我想這也是有可能的我可能就把他們帶到美國去若可以的話解除最好治療或者是騙他們活在一個台灣已經滅亡世界的世界我的世界一個換的時間今天我爸媽這樣子對我讓我實在是很受挫不是說流血很了不起而是中間那個過程可以讓你知道你怎麼是走過了什麼是不足夠的我希望我爸媽更好所以我對他們有所要求他覺得我應該要對家人更好全世界的人都是一樣就連我自己本身也沒有感受到幸福我知道我跟父母道歉我不曉得我該放棄他們出去留學的夢想可是一件事情你在講的就是一個獅子的象徵嗎你覺得很困擾然後媽媽常常轉移焦點的對我生氣了又說我不愛去運動我實在不懂這之間有什麼連結我常常把我媽相的有過於親密但是不是在他的認識裡我永遠都是他的小孩然後他覺得他在讓我可是我對他的期望永遠不僅止於此啊我希望他能自由都市認為我的存在束縛他們必須繼續工作的1個原因如果世界上我的名字真的能夠被流程下去我肯定是最愛抱怨的人真的是我愛抱怨嗎我會跟媽媽講這些事情但是我不會跟艾麗卡但是跟趾瑞這些事情因為我對他沒有期望說不定我 悲傷的期望太高了媽媽說他沒有失望與我但是我知道他們對我生氣就是對我的失望他們真的言行不一的行為華語從以前到現在我看過太多我從以前到現在都法釋懷他們對我做過什麼因為他們是如此重要我完全不懂但為什麼要花費如此大的能量來罵我然後有諒他們了他沒有來找我睡覺他們究竟是想要抱持著那種矛盾的態度來對待我反正這也無所謂我自己他們或者就是跟我自己時間一樣不重要吧
I'm in Taipei now, stay in a hostel.
And writing my daily by my new phone. Compare to using PC, it's easier because of the auto input.
Trying to list everything I did below.
I got up early for a eikaiwa lesson, the teacher is a Filipino, we read an article which is a Japanese curator's biography.(?)
Before the lesson,I went to my atelier as usual. Although it was short time,I had to go there for spread some linseed oil to oil paints which I squeezed yesterday and wrap it without air.
After lesson, I had lunch in a Italian restaurant with my mom and her friends.
Finished lunch, my mom's friends gave me a ride to chaiyi high speed train station.
Arrived in Taipei, I went to visit my grandma first, talked with her about TV news and the upcoming president election in Taiwanese. Than I knew she didn't change her household registration form Changhua to Taipei,this thing made her did not vote recent years (I surmised above 25 years), but it also made her got benefits. The farmers' insurance in Changhua is higher than in Taipei.
My grandma lived with my uncle's family. My uncle's business is wine merchant. So we were in his wine shop. While we were talking, my grandma noticed a old lady passed by outside. Looked tired. My grandma invited old lady have a sit on outside chair and had a short talk with old lady. My grandma had a call to the old lady's family and telled them the old lady need some one to pick her home and carry something she just bought.
During the waiting for old lady's family, grandma gave old lady a cup of water. My uncle came home, and sand me to Ximen Mateo by scooter. I'm appreciated that he did for me.
Because before I arrived grandma's home, I passed by Longshan Temple Taipei Metro station, there were 3 young people stood out of ticket gate, one girl stick her middle finger up at me for no reason and laughed.
I ignored them of course. I didn't want to see them again. Such a Extremely rude person.
I think people in Tokyo are unfeeling, but Taiwanese are vulgar..... I always feel unpleasant when I sew much litter on the road, and I didn't nothing, maybe have to start to do something.
Get back to the girl, I think the behavior made her worse than homeless. Hope she could find the truth of her life to make her life more interesting. (I believed she will be happy that so much words in my daily to describe what she did today)
I met my friend in Ximenting at 17:15. And went to the famous Ximen red building. Many gay bars are outside of the building according my friend said.
I ate Singaporean chicken noodle in ximenting. And we listened a lecture about gender issue in genre fiction together. quite difficult. Talked about some professional words in literature. I believed my parents have no idea about Cthulhu. The professor introduced many horror novel. I didn't stay there until end.
I went hostel by city bus. I dare not doing anything on the way. It's easy to pass your goal. I did a ton of same things in NYC and Tokyo.
And one other English online lesson. The connection was awful, made me nervous even dropped my water bottle on floor and it broken. I throw it and had last 13 mins lesson.
The teacher read my daily and said my life is busy." It's busy but nothing important"I replied.
I spent 2 hour more to write dailys recently instead of watching Netflix before sleeping.
Cleaning the space(my atelier) above the salon is kind of became my daily job.
It seems develop my standard of cleaning after my experience in Japan.
there were 2 bed frames in my atelier.It was weird because in original design of the building, it was supposed to be the living room. I rotated the beds and made it upright to rely on the wall.In order to clean the floor which is covered before and make the useful space more wide, finally the light though the french window go deeply in the room without reflected from 2 blown wood bed frame.
In the noon, my mom come to see me with bubble milk tea on her hand. Actually, there are 3 size of bubble in Taiwanese drink.......I prefer the smallest........
Afternoon,I did 3 eikaiwa lessons and drawn. My effort on canvas let the painting just like a same compare to yesterday.
I left my atelier on 6:00pm. Finished dinner, I went to my teacher's atelier. There are a art shop near by and the shop closes earlier than the my teacher's atelier,so I went there weekly before I went to the atelier. I bought some brush and skin color oil paint tube. I spent to much time to adjust the right color, hope it will save my time.
In my teacher's atelier, there some kids were taking the children painting lesson. The teacher of the lesson is Mrs.Ma, she is only 5 years older than me, but she already has 3 kids, the oldest one seems around 7 year old. Get down to the business, my mission on Wednesday and Saturday is helping Mrs.ma manage those kids and in the end of the lesson teacher will help kids to complete their painting. According to my teacher Mr.wu said, the second part is Mrs.Ma's weakness. Today's topic of kids' drawing was movement and rhythm, it quite was abstract topic. Children used rulers to draw many lines and circles. when I helped one girl to modify her drawing, some kids play with triangle rulers behind us which made me upset. It's really dangerous to play those rulers with sharp angle. I stopped them twice.
In leither time in the atelier, I still painted. But nothing changed on the pic.........
Tomorrow I will have lunch with my mom and her friend, then I will go to Taipei.
At night, I will go to listen a lecture about gender with my friend.
I have to prepare oneday clothes for my trip, and wake up early (8:00am)
Nothing change everyday in Chaiyi.
I still did my cleaning job in my atelier. I brought my laptop there so I had online english there (1.5hour). Of course, I painted too. Two drawing were in process there.
I dedicated to the portrait of my friend Arika today, although it was on small canvas. For me, portraits were more difficult than other themes. My reason is people see each other everyday, people have more high standard of recognizing human face than other creatures (except zoologists). I only drawed the part of jacket.
I left atelier at6:30 pm and ate dinner my mom cooked. she put too much goji in the soup, made it taste bitter.
After dinner, I went to a english cram school to listen their free vocabulary lesson and I could decide paying the course or not. I didn't paid for it so I only allowed stand by the door. Sound ridiculous and I did. What did confused me is the staff printed some test papers for me but I even could not write any word on it. Their courses only for toelf or ielts testers. I prefer toelf,but I didn't sure which test I will take and the lesson time of toelf . I still couldn't make the decision of entry the cram school.
before I slept, I had phone with TJ who was my classmate and lived in NYC. We talked about our recent life and our common friend sun-jan, one of her family got cancer too.
I received 4 books today. I ordered those online before. one is english ver. because chinese ver. is more expensive.
I was exhausted today. I woke up early and then had a 25 minute English lesson.After that I went to the salon, next to my house.I've already moved all of my paintings there.I had to place them on the second floor of the salon.
It was quite dusty and therefore I had to clean it.
So I had to sweep the floor, remove some stuff...
After all that cleaning job, nothing has changed that much.
I still think that it's a bit dusty.
I tried to put everything in the right position.
Although it was rainy outside, I had to turn on the air conditioner.
I heard from my mom that some man was here before with his dog.
His dog's hair was everywhere and I could still feel its smell in the air.
So I had to use a freshener and spray it everywhere.His dog's hair was everywhere and I could still smell it.
Soon I began to draw. Unfortunately the room was quite dark.
After that I went to big99 hardware store, trying to figure out what to do in order to make it brighter.
So I bought a Lamp Socket Holder Adapter and a new toilet lid.
For some reason it was difficult to remove the old toilet lid, probably because its holder was too old and too dirty.
It was really difficult to remove its plastic screws.
It was really hard to unscrew it (=the old toilet lid).
So I used my rotary tool, which I bought recently.
I used to it in order to cut those screws.
Finally! What a relief!
I finally removed all of them.
I was satisfied and filled with joy.
After that, as I mentioned earlier, I wanted to make that room brighter so I changed my old bulbs with new ones. Actually, I changed them my new LED bulbs.
The old ones could still be used but the room was too dark.
I did many things today.
This Friday I'll go to Taipei and join some workshop in which I will learn more about knife making.
I exhausted today.
waked up early and had a 25mins english lesson.
then I went to upstairs of salon next to my house.
I have already moved every painting stuff to there.
I started to clean up the second floor because there are too much dust. I sweeped and modded the floor. I modded it 3 times. because of much dust, I didn't think it looks better after that.
And I tried to set everything in right position. Although it was rainy outside, I had to turn on the air conditioner. Someone petted a dog there before. I spayed freshener everywhere even in air condition's filter net. Finished positions, I started to draw, unfortunately the lights on the ceiling were dark. I went to the big99 hardware store(home center?) trying to buy something to figure out the situation . I bought a Lamp Socket Holder Adapter and a new toilet lid. It was tough to remove the old toilet lid. the reason is too much old dust on the holder of old one. the structure of holder like mounting screw but it made by plastic. I couldn't release it, but I just bought a auto rotary tool recently. I used it cut the holder. full filled satisfaction.
There were 5 spare LED bulb in my home. I used all them to replace my space's light.
There were 10w or 8w but there were so bright, old bulbs still could be use but they were 17w and dark incredibly.
I did huge things today. Friday I will go taipai and join a oneday workshop for forge a handmade knife. I'm look forward to there will have auto hammer..........
I got the key for going to salon's stair near by my home from mom.
Too much terrible dust over there.
I have to clean there up then I can use the space. The toilet is dry. I didn't check the faucet, I will do it tomorrow which is sunny.
before I went to the house, I went to ask for another english school about the price of adult's english.
The school's website is cool and shows they service customers study abroad. But when I go into the school, a child screamed. And the stuff said they don't have any course for adults now. Sad.
I'm already changed my eikaiwa payment to two lessons per day and started to write some note everyday. I hope it would help for developing my english skill.
My goal is remembering more tough vocabulary, spell them in right way, and writing or speaking like native as possible as I can.